HELLO reader, yes reader, well reader, Davie Provan here reader and I'm still recovering from what I've just witnessed.

Without getting carried away, going over the top or blowing everything out of proportion, I believe I have just witnessed the worst performance by a Scottish referee in the history of Scottish refereeing.

Those who saw Glasgow Rangers versus Ayrshire Rangers ... er, I mean Kilmarnock, will know what I'm talking about.

These weren't just blunders, these were Marks and Spencer quality blunders.

Check out the first penalty. Dougie McDonald must have been the only man in Rugby Park who thought Simon Ford fouled Kris Boyd. Not only had the Killie defender not fouled Boyd, but he had NOT fouled him outside the box. I could be wrong, but it looked like even the Rangers fans were embarrassed when the ref pointed to the spot.

If this was a bad decision then the goal' Barry Ferguson thought he'd scored, only to have it disallowed for offside, bordered on the sheer farcical.

I wonder if assistant referees feel out of things and, having seen the referee's howler for the penalty, decided anything he can do I can do better' - or should that be worse' - and stuck his flag up. Woeful!

Then there was Killie's penalty, then there was Rangers' second penalty, then there was the blatant foul on Allan McGregor for the Kilmarnock goal. Okay, on reflection, maybe I'm being a bit harsh. Apart from that, Dougie did little wrong.

After the match, I thought I detected that Jim Doing a Great Job at Kilmarnock' Jefferies was ever so slightly perplexed. He was able to laugh about it, though it was that kind of laugh that comes into the if I don't laugh, I'll greet' category.

At the press conference, I felt Jim held himself together quite well, but then someone mentioned that McDonald will be the CIS Cup Final referee and the poor man just fell apart and burst into tears.

In fairness to Dougie Mac, after viewing TV footage of the match, he admitted he had got the first Rangers' penalty decision wrong and telephoned Jefferies to apologise.

What about all the other decisions?

If he didn't apologise for any of them, then we can only assume he thought he got them all right. Scary!

But let's not get carried away here. Despite how much the officials may have affected this match, we shouldn't take anything away from Rangers.

Kris Boyd's goal tally for the season reached 20 which, coincidentally, was the same number of fouls David Weir committed without being penalised. And, don't forget, Rangers have been pretty solid lately.

That was the first goal they have lost since the return of Walter Smith who, incidentally, is now the fourth manager to manage under Barry Ferguson. See that David Taylor, who has just landed an £800,000-a-year job after being nicked by Uefa? Surely that can't be the same David Taylor that was bealin' when Rangers nicked Walter Smith? It is? Well, well, well. We don't normally do this sort of thing, but here's a wee quiz for you. Who said this? "It may not sound modest, but at the end of the day I am one of the best Scottish strikers and I have the right to play for the national team."

So, who do you think it was? Denis Law? Kenny Dalglish? Joe Jordan? Nope, it was none other than the great Garry O'Connor. Obviously being dropped by Scotland has had a humbling effect on the player. Andrei Kanchelskis has quit football - we expect him to sign for Hearts later this week. Former Rangers midfielder Charlie Miller will continue his career in Belgium.

You can't help but wonder if, looking back, Charlie feels he made a right Lierse of things. Paul Hartley will miss the Old Firm match due to suspension ... which greatly increases Sellic's chances of finishing this match with 11 players on the pitch. Neds beware ... it's Hannibal Strachan

We hear more tales that Artur Boruc is going to Arsenal and Sellic are replacing him with ... wait for it, Craig Gordon! That will go down well.

Thomas Gravesen is said to be interesting mighty Charlton, Mo Johnston wants Neil Lennon to join him at Toronto Turncoats and Kenny Miller still can't score ... although he's said to be interesting Newcastle.

Presumably Glenn Roeder feels a striker who can't score is just what he needs. And Aiden McGeady bucked the trend and signed a new four-year deal. So, not for Aiden the bright lights of Aston ... or is it Villa?

Saturday's match against Hibs marked the end of a hectic week for Gordon Strachan. Between celebrating his 50th and chasing neds outside the pictures - maybe the wee man thought he was Hannibal Lecter? - the Sellic gaffer also had to plot the downfall of Hibs, the fifth most attractive team in the SPL.

It was much anticipated, much hyped and much blown out of all proportion which, in the final analysis, was much ado about hee-haw.

Okay, Artur had to pull off a couple of customary for the camera' saves but Sellic never looked in danger, which must have put a smile on the faces of the celebs in the crowd - Rod Stewart, Billy Connolly and ... John Reid! Should he no' be away huntin' criminals? A right Royal fuss over Maiden flight

Sunday was some day for Gers fans. Not only did Helen Mirren win a Bafta for her portrayal of Her Maj in the imaginatively titled film, The Queen, but their team picked up all three points in a bizarre match at Rugby Park, where a rumour swept the ground that referee Dougie McDonald had been nominated for a Bafta, too for his unique interpretation of refereeing.

With a mouth-watering tie with Hapoel Tel Aviv imminent, Rangers turned the clock back yet again when, in the grand tradition of Oleg Kuznetzov and Sebastian Rozental, Kevin Thomson, who had been largely anonymous, vanished completely during the break with - yes, you guessed it - an injury that will keep him out for a few weeks.

Normally a team heading off for a European tie isn't such a big story. But when the pilot of the plane is Bruce Dickinson, lead chanter with heavy metal legends Iron Maiden, then it's probably worth a mention.

Incidentally, rumours Rangers may change their theme tune to Simply the Beast have been denied. Before any non-metal heads get worried, this isn't Gers saving money by entrusting their team to a mad rocker who happens to own an aeroplane. Dickinson is a fully qualified pilot and flies 747s when not onstage conjuring up the devil.